Relationships? Single VS Married; Married VS Single

        Relationships ? Single Vs Married ; Married vs Single

This is my back yard

My parents married 51 years

I always wanted the fairy tale wedding, get married live happily ever after with my prince. I believe I had that experience for a very short time then all the dysfunction we each were raised with hit us head on like a freight train going 200 miles an hour, plus self-doubt, habits, beliefs and values that weren’t mine, I didn’t know what mine were. I think we most have watched different Cinderella’s.  Our marriage came to a very abusive end.

The blessing in it all it that the failure of marriage ignited a fire in my soul for knowledge , learning , discovery I knew life was meant to be joyful, no one needed to be controlled , I truly believed that  if I could reconnect with the spirit that I had as a child I could do anything.  I was determined to learn, love myself more than I thought possible, and become an incredible mentor to my children. I didn’t want my children repeating my mistakes, or relatives. They could learn from my mistakes and they could learn a lot from watching me create a new life for us.

I’ve been single for 12 years and the past two years it has bothered me that I’m not remarried. Majority of my women friends are married. I was sharing with them over lunch last week that I was a bit envious of them for being married. How wonderful that there was always someone there for them.  Living on a horse ranch without a man is really hard work, some days I think I’m crazy doing this all alone. They all started to laugh because their envious of my life and all the freedom I have.  I always do what I want to do. Yes you can be married and lonely. We really had a great conversation on married vs single life, lots of laughter and agreed it’s always greener on the opposite side of the fence.   When I returned home greeted by the dogs and horses I was reminded once again at how much I do love the life I live. 

Phlaggston -We've been together 18 years

The horses in my life have always been my best teachers along with my kids. Shadow (horse) has taught me to remove judgment and ask the question “Does this experience honor me? Does it feel good? What have I learned?  Am I living on auto pilot or being an active participant in my life? “ 

I wake up at 4am with a feeling that the automatic waters for the horses weren’t working. Its -3 outside and the wind was blowing so hard.  I know to always trust my feelings, inner voice, and intuition. I Go outside and intuition was right horse waters are frozen.  It Took me three hours to get a water trough hooked up and working for the herd.  Carrying buckets of water to 14 horses would consume most of my day, not an option.

I started to talk out loud and ask for help to whom or whatever cared or was listening. A few moments later a picture came into my mind of putting water into the waterier, and putting the metal lid from the feed bin over the hole of the waterier.

Off to finish evening chores I was so frustrated due to the horses getting the lid off the waterier. Then I thought what if it was working again. Yes, it was working. I looked to the sky and yelled thank you! I feeling of peace consumed me. I realized and felt a presence with in me, around me and I finally understood I am never alone; this is how it feels to be truly connected. The relationship I have been seeking was really with me and Spirit. I gave thanks again and revisited all my thoughts for getting water to the horses.  What we think and feel determines our outcomes .

1)      I only talked about how to get the waterier  working

2)      I listed all the reason why the waterier  needed to work  in my head

3)      I asked for help

4)      I was open to receiving  a solution to get water to the horses

5)      I wouldn’t allow any other thoughts into my head, only what I needed

6)      I kept my focus on waterier working, the relief and joy that would bring me.

Being single or married is a learning experience; both have their purpose and rewards. The relationship to self, loving you, caring for you allows you to have healthier relationships in your life; you are filling your own cup and are responsible for you.  May my experience encourage you to be mindful of your thoughts and master the art of knowing self and the peace of being connected brings you.  Nature is wise a teacher.

Health*JOY*prosperity…Peace…Lisa