Lisa Kuchinski
Be It Coaching/ Free Spirit Ranch

Monday, February 16, 2015

How do You Experience and express Love???

          How do YOU Experience & Express                                   Love ???

Josie & Fiona 

 There are so many different ways we each experience how we give and receive love .  
In my personal experience and with the clients I work with it's vital that we know how we experience love and how folks closest to us experience love.

I good detector that you need to understand yourself more is being disappointed at the holidays, in romantic relationships,  frustrated with family and friends or you find relationships exhausting. 

If you know what you need that you're able to express it. Very few people can read our minds :)

Lance and Monty

How do you need to experience love?

 Kinesthetic - Means your a hands on learner , touch helps you learn . In a relationship hugs , kisses , holding hands are very important , presents , flowers, spending time. Being active with the people in your life, perhaps  walks , hikes , horse back riding , skiing, painting etc. Feelings need to be expressed and acknowledged . Can become very emotional.

Auditory -  Hearing ; words said are very important, talking , having meaningful communication. Expressing verbally how you feel and having people express how they feel . Auditory people need to hear lots of " I love you" " I adore you" " I so enjoy being with you because ____________________.

Visual-  You experience life from how you see it .  Men tend to get the wrap for being visual but so are women.  Here's an example . A client of mine changed her hair color , her partner is visual and the hair color changed how he responded to her .    Please no judging this . They talked about it, she went back to her original hair color. 2nd example , client was attracted to her husband because she liked all his muscles , when he stopped working out it affected how she was attracted to him. 

We are usually a combination of 2 of  the above to different degrees . We are attracted to our partners based on how we experiecne life. Please communicate with your partner so you each  are aware of what the other one needs. There is no right or wrong, it's just how it is. 

Linda ( Client ) gets up set on her Birthday and valentines day every year . She is a combination equally of all three. Linda felt if her partner truly loved her , he'd tell (auditory)her he loved her and why he did, wrap her present in beautiful paper with ribbon ( visual) , how it was wrapped was more important then what was in it  ( it's the experience ).  Shower her with a huge hug and passionate kiss ( Kinesthetic) and hold her hand on the way into restaurant. Linda desired lots of TLC and to feel (kinesthetic) special.

Greg ( Linda's partner) Is Auditory . Greg doesn't understand why Linda gets so emotional ( Kinesthetic) on her Birthday, Valentines Day, it's very frustarting to him and he dreads these two days because no matter what he does he's wrong. Whats the big Deal. He tells her he loves her how can she not hear ( auditory)that. 
Monty & Shadow

Linda can hear what Greg is saying , but she needs the kinesthetic and visual needs met too. Once Linda was able to express to Greg what she needed , how to, and why ,Greg was able to do that for her . Both their needs are being met and they're able to have a more loving , caring , honoring relationship. 

May you take time to really get to know and love you so your able to express what you desire and need to others.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Relationships? Single VS Married; Married VS Single

        Relationships ? Single Vs Married ; Married vs Single

This is my back yard

My parents married 51 years
I always wanted the fairy tale wedding, get married live happily ever after with my prince. I believe I had that experience for a very short time then all the dysfunction we each were raised with hit us head on like a freight train going 200 miles an hour, plus self-doubt, habits, beliefs and values that weren’t mine, I didn’t know what mine were. I think we most have watched different Cinderella’s.  Our marriage came to a very abusive end.

The blessing in it all it that the failure of marriage ignited a fire in my soul for knowledge , learning , discovery I knew life was meant to be joyful, no one needed to be controlled , I truly believed that  if I could reconnect with the spirit that I had as a child I could do anything.  I was determined to learn, love myself more than I thought possible, and become an incredible mentor to my children. I didn’t want my children repeating my mistakes, or relatives. They could learn from my mistakes and they could learn a lot from watching me create a new life for us.

I’ve been single for 12 years and the past two years it has bothered me that I’m not remarried. Majority of my women friends are married. I was sharing with them over lunch last week that I was a bit envious of them for being married. How wonderful that there was always someone there for them.  Living on a horse ranch without a man is really hard work, some days I think I’m crazy doing this all alone. They all started to laugh because their envious of my life and all the freedom I have.  I always do what I want to do. Yes you can be married and lonely. We really had a great conversation on married vs single life, lots of laughter and agreed it’s always greener on the opposite side of the fence.   When I returned home greeted by the dogs and horses I was reminded once again at how much I do love the life I live. 
Phlaggston -We've been together 18 years

The horses in my life have always been my best teachers along with my kids. Shadow (horse) has taught me to remove judgment and ask the question “Does this experience honor me? Does it feel good? What have I learned?  Am I living on auto pilot or being an active participant in my life? “ 
I wake up at 4am with a feeling that the automatic waters for the horses weren’t working. Its -3 outside and the wind was blowing so hard.  I know to always trust my feelings, inner voice, and intuition. I Go outside and intuition was right horse waters are frozen.  It Took me three hours to get a water trough hooked up and working for the herd.  Carrying buckets of water to 14 horses would consume most of my day, not an option.
I started to talk out loud and ask for help to whom or whatever cared or was listening. A few moments later a picture came into my mind of putting water into the waterier, and putting the metal lid from the feed bin over the hole of the waterier.
Off to finish evening chores I was so frustrated due to the horses getting the lid off the waterier. Then I thought what if it was working again. Yes, it was working. I looked to the sky and yelled thank you! I feeling of peace consumed me. I realized and felt a presence with in me, around me and I finally understood I am never alone; this is how it feels to be truly connected. The relationship I have been seeking was really with me and Spirit. I gave thanks again and revisited all my thoughts for getting water to the horses.  What we think and feel determines our outcomes .
1)      I only talked about how to get the waterier  working
2)      I listed all the reason why the waterier  needed to work  in my head
3)      I asked for help
4)      I was open to receiving  a solution to get water to the horses
5)      I wouldn’t allow any other thoughts into my head, only what I needed
6)      I kept my focus on waterier working, the relief and joy that would bring me.

Being single or married is a learning experience; both have their purpose and rewards. The relationship to self, loving you, caring for you allows you to have healthier relationships in your life; you are filling your own cup and are responsible for you.  May my experience encourage you to be mindful of your thoughts and master the art of knowing self and the peace of being connected brings you.  Nature is wise a teacher.

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