Lisa Kuchinski
Be It Coaching/ Free Spirit Ranch

Friday, April 14, 2017

Men and Women, Women and Men

        Understanding our Different Needs


The horses and I work with a lot of couples. Some couples are wanting to understand each other more, some are considering getting married or need their partner to understand them better, in some causes learning to be kind to each other again. Many different people many different scenarios . 

What always amazes me is majority of folks complain about what they don't like , find fault easily in each other , they have no idea what each other needs. Majority of time women don't know what they need and men know they need sex but noting else.  If each other needs aren't being met the intimacy goes down hill fast. Intimacy is what keeps a relationship strong and healthy. With out intimacy couples lose their closeness and will look else were over time . 

Women and Men are completely different, you know what? It's OK to be different . We need to celebrate and appreciate our differences . Life would be so boring if we were the same. How can couples be a better team? By learning as much as you can about the other person and what they need. We each have strength in different areas to help each other. There is no need to compete against each other you're on the same team, right?

Some folks will literally suck the life out of you . If this is your relationship please seek professional help. It just takes a little understanding what each other needs to have an incredible relationship/ marriage. 

First question What is your purpose, vision for being together. Every business has a vision statement . That statement sets the tone , forward movement to success. Start talking about what your vision and purpose is for being together and write is down . Please be sure to include fun. 

I truly believe to have a successful relationship you need to  understand what each other needs and willing , joyfully, freely provide that to the other person . 90 % of the couples I work with noticed a positive  difference in their relationship when (no strings attached) they provided what their partner  needed.  They also experienced their partner in return reciprocating. 

Majority of women ( me included ) are emotional creatures due to how our brains are wired . We react emotionally first ( unless some women have learned to turn  off  emotions due to their jobs or abuse). What does that mean men , yes we are touchy feelie, we process from our heart first , we think of feelings first. We have more nerve receptors according to Dr. Bradon Wilhel M.D. We continue to process all the time until we have a solution. We have to learn to stop our minds.
 Women need love , we need to feel loved . We can receive that love by being  hugged , held , cuddled , told we are beautiful , yes " I Love You! It's called affection.  Buying meaningful gift for your lady,  hearing what see needs to express or say. Supporting her how she needs to be supported through encouragement , caring for her, drawing a bath, helping with dinner. ASK her and keep asking her what she needs. Yes open the doors , car too, yes flowers are awesome too, especially if you pick them.  I know there are some women who don't like having their door women , ask her what she needs. 
Rohan and Freedom

Rosemary a client shared with me how her husband planned a weekend get away for her. They went canoeing , turned off their cell phones , he packed all camping supplies and canoe , together they grocery shopped for what they needed. He was very attentive meaning , little hugs , kisses , caresses , light touch, he pushed the grocery cart . They talked about her dreams and goals , his dreams and goals, what they could do together, his aspirations and goals. What Rosemary needed from Her husband was for him to know her dreams , to lovingly care for her . Their weekend together, of time, brought them closer together , they are creating their life as a team together versus two individuals. 

What did her husband David get out of the weekend ? He was her man. Rosemary talked him up to all their friends , which made David look good ( he is a great man). Her respect  an admiration for David increased .  Is Rosemary doing lots of nice things for David , you beat she is because her cup is overflowing .

Men correct me if I'm wrong , Men need their ladies to respect them ( yes respect is something that is earned). To have eyes for him only , to believe in him , be proud of him, encourage him, allow him to be the leader. ( Not all men want to be a leader) . Men need to trust their lady. Honesty for both couples is very important. Yes intimacy is a must . 

Lance and Willie 

This is were it all gets confusing , our world has changed drastically in the last 50-70 years . There are no longer clear defined  rolls for men and women plus the decline of the  family life ( hardly anyone eats healthy meals together: Families that eat and pray together normally stay loving to each other)  , divorce rate is proof that relationships need help. My suggestions are a guide line . Yes some men are more sensitive than women and your roles are reverse , which is great because you are balancing each other. Get to know your self your needs first, discover your partners , it's like playing hide and go seek, how much fun was/ is that. 

Remember all the time that goes into dating? That same amount of effort and time needs to always go into that relationship, marriage , yes even after having babies. As the my grandma used to say " you will pay for what you don't pay attention too." Having a strong faith is very helpful too. Many Blessings , leanings in your relationship. 

Have ideas , please share . 

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